Betwixt and Between

Still a rough year. Still no diagnosis. Neurologist says it’s probably multiple sclerosis. Husband is not convinced but still thinks it’s a demyelinating disease of some sort. He wobbles when he walks. The bad discs he has are not in play apparently.

I’ve not seen my family in nearly 14 months. My son will be 5 1/2 hours away for just over a week but won’t be able to stop even for a short visit. So much going on back home and I can’t help. I miss them so much.

We didn’t even make it to his sister’s for a bbq. He had no energy at all today. I’m just down and that makes him sad also. It’s not his fault. He’s also sad because his pain is somewhere around an 8.

If I cry I try to do it when he’s already in bed or if I’m mowing our acre. Mowing on the tractor remains great therapy. I pray often. I’m just weary.

I can’t keep up with what I want to get done. Every time I get the yard somewhat straight, another tree or limbs fall. It’s never ending. I guess I’m becoming more like Mom and Grandma. I’d rather work outside.

I want answers and I want them a year ago. I’m tired of not knowing. I like to know what I’m facing so I can gather my resources. In the meantime I journal and I joined an online MS support group even though we don’t yet know if it’s MS.

I now have Medicare. Time to take care of myself and see about joining a gym that offers Silver Sneakers so I can maintain my health.

Prayers are very much appreciated.

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