Tears of Frustration

Let me begin with a blessing. Hubby’s ring (from 2016) was scratched and turning yellow. We were not aware that white gold discolors nor did we know it contains nickel. I am sensitive to nickel. The jeweler we used up here moved another 90 minutes away. I tried the local jeweler prepared for an outrageous price to fix it. It was very reasonable. He was going to “the City” the next day and would have it ready in two days. It looks wonderful and hubby loves it. I will get my rings done after Christmas when this jeweler has his rhodium permit and can do it in town.

Mom called. My childhood friend who had a serious medical issue months ago is still unable to keep food down and has lost a great deal of weight. Mom said it doesn’t look good. It tears me apart. My other friend who has been undiagnosed for years is now in a hospital back home. She fell. Her memory is affected. She didn’t know how to open a candy bar. Still no diagnosis. Am I frustrated with the medical community? You bet!

Hubby saw the neurologist. I said he was house bound and Doc seemed surprised. I said, “HE CAN’T WALK MORE THAN 50 FEET!”. He recommended PT again but in his office. That would be a 30 minute drive each way twice a week plus $90 per week. He’s had four MRI’s, two EMG’s, multiple labs and several specialist appointments. It has added up and hubby worries about going down another rabbit hole. We will get him scheduled for another brain MRI and one of his neck the first week of January. This will hopefully tell the doctor whether this is Multiple Sclerosis or another complication of the cancer he had in 2012. His pain is as high as a 9/10 daily. Walking is taxing and he can’t help me with anything. I’ve done it all most of this year and I still can’t see my family in the foreseeable future.

I want to scream. I want to cry. I have medication in case I need it on rough days. PCP said my slight weight loss was probably stress. Honey, when I’m stressed I eat anything not nailed down. It was 5 pounds in 4 months, so no biggie. We’ll probably not go to his niece’s for Thanksgiving. It’s too much. When we returned from the doctor appointment last week he couldn’t lift his leg to get up two steps into the house.

My hometown has the nickname of Ptown. Some areas of town are a bit rough, so when I threaten to go full blown Ptown it means I’m very angry and have had enough. I feel I’m going to yell at doctors. It’s been two years. We need to know what’s going on. My patience meter broke 18 months ago. I have a very low tolerance for BS.

I’m not depressed but I’m careful to watch that it doesn’t sneak up on me.

I’m mostly letting off steam but I’m so tired of this merry-go-round.

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