Singing the Blues

It’s a hot summer day. We have another leak from the bathroom into the cellar. It’s not a huge leak but I’ll call our guy.

At 8:30 this morning I received a call from the town asking if my porch rail was ever installed. I assumed it was not done because of the pandemic. We did have to wait until the ground was no longer frozen but that’s been a while. The carpenter from the town was sent over. He’s nearly completed the job. Of course the design hubby told me was not what I interpreted so he was like a dog with an old bone. I was in tears but not in front of him. He finally said as long as it’s comfortable for me. He wheeled to the door and had a better sense of the job.

He’s frustrated because he has brain fog. He can’t walk. He feels tired and weak due to the heat. The rail, the leak and everything else going wrong around here is something he would normally be able to fix himself. I’m left brained. I am very literal. He’s artistic and an engineer. I’m frustrated too.

We’re now dealing with more issues that are out of his control with the multiple sclerosis. I’m feeling a bit lost. It’s still not depression. He probably has a little of it himself, though. The next specialist appointment will be July 20.

The good in this is that he tells me he loves me and it’s from his soul. I love him with all my heart. The love part is easy. I would just like for things to go right for a change. I’m weary. I feel defeated some days. I do not like cooking. He does but is unable to cook. It’s all on me.

I miss my family immensely. My sister has surgery next week. My other sister is driving down to help. My son may also help. He’s nearby. I try not to be away from home more than an hour. We have no help with day to day issues.

Yes I have the blues. I’m physically and emotionally exhausted. We did have company this weekend. His Mom, sister and niece came by Saturday, distanced. His daughter, husband and kids came by Sunday and we were on the deck, distanced.

This pandemic just adds to the stress.

(Update: I took pictures of the final porch product and he likes the character and is satisfied that it’s comfortable for me. I’ll use a light stain on it later. It sure smells good. I love the smell of cut wood.)

Feeling a little less blue at the moment. I just need a break but by the same token so does hubby.

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