Emotional Rollercoaster

We are less than a week away from a diagnosis. Hubby had his lumbar puncture about 10 days ago. Doc said he was looking for anything “autoimmune-ish”.

Now that we’re close to an answer, we’re both anxious. Hubby keeps wandering in his head. He feels he should be able to help his aunt whose short-term memory is a third of what it was a few months ago. She’s 91. He wants to see his Mom. He also feels badly that I work so hard and that I don’t have help.

On the good side of things, the dryer is fixed, the car is scheduled for December 17th to be repaired, I no longer have to have a medical restriction on my license and I managed to get presents wrapped and shipped.

What triggered me today was the death of Squiggy from Laverne and Shirley. He died of complications from MS. I don’t know what kind of MS he had or what the complications were. It just took me back to losing my first husband at a young age. I didn’t date for 17 years because I was so afraid of getting close to someone and going through that again.

Hubby was my first love. We broke up decades ago, married other people and reconnected in 2009. I’m afraid of watching him decline even more. He’s used to being very independent and fixing things himself. We had fun early in our 4 1/2 year marriage. We laughed, danced, went to parades and enjoyed life.

Even before the pandemic hit we could no longer do those things. This journey is close to three years old.

Answers are so close now yet I’ve been teary this week. Home PT is encouraging. Hubby is sweet as ever. When he says he loves me these days, it has such a deeper vibe. It’s stronger if that is at all possible. I love him so much. Taking care of him is not an issue for me. Yes I sometimes get tired or I have pain but he’s not a burden to me. We’re in this together.

I’ll do what needs to be done, BUT…I still hate cooking.

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