Want to Cry

I am stressed. Actually, stressed more than usual. I don’t know why.

My mail order medication won’t be filled until May 1. That allows less than a week for delivery. This is not a medication I can go without.

The least little thing goes wrong and I overreact. I am constantly on high alert. Hubby is actually doing fairly well at the moment. We hope and pray his repeat test next week is the last of the pre-infusion tests and he can finally begin treatment.

Hubby’s son and a friend installed a wheelchair ramp which was donated by a widow they know. She wanted it to go to someone who would be blessed by it. Her husband barely used it. It is already a blessing and will help getting to the car so much easier. I will not have to worry about it being too steep and I will not have to worry about backing a wheelchair down. I can walk facing forward.

Perhaps part of the problem is that Hubby has issues at night. He cannot roll from side to side easily. He has spasticity in his legs and it is very painful. If he does not sleep well, I do not sleep well despite what our watches show. Mine shows deep and light sleep throughout the night and his shows a minimum of three awakenings.

Maybe infusion therapy will begin sometime in May. I had hoped it would begin next week but alas the repeat test.

I will see my PCP on Star Wars Day and may ask about something for anxiety. He ordered something in the fall of 2019 and I have used three since I had that prescription filled. I would imagine they are no longer worth taking.

This too shall pass but I do not want to fall into dark thoughts. I feel overwhelmed emotionally. I feel normal when I am able to work in the yard. It is very windy today and cold. Tomorrow will be much warmer and nearly cloudless. I’ll clear more debris.

We both need a medical break. That’s unlikely unless the infusion is a miracle drug. MS is an evil illness and changes day to day. He has his issues but cognitively he’s fine. That’s something for which to be grateful.

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