In a Funk

Perhaps the weather is affecting my mood. It’s been a rainy few days and today is cloudy and cool.

I suppose the cooler weather is better for Hubby. Last night the humidity came through and he needed help getting into bed. He did not have enough strength to stand. He sees his PCP in less than a week. If PCP agrees with neurology I will call to have Hubby scheduled for inpatient treatment to reduce the inflammation in his body. I pray this helps.

I did speak to my son twice yesterday, the second time was a family Zoom meeting. I may ship his birthday present to his temporary location. I miss him so much. I miss my entire family. We just cannot travel right now. We may never be able to have a long drive together again. If all else fails perhaps Hubby can stay with one of his kids for a week but neither currently has a first floor bedroom. One is trying to get a new house that would work out well but it has a hiccup caused by the current owner so they haven’t yet closed the deal. That house is one level. His other adult child only has a half bath on the first floor.

I see barriers now that I overlooked most of my life. I moved things around in Hubby’s office so his printer can be accessed without his having to stand and take a chance on falling. I may get extended hinges for the bathroom door which would allow for the doorway to be about two inches wider. We’re still working things out as we continue to wait for a diagnosis. It’s frustrating and I am tired. I’m a caregiver who has no help nearby. We’ve been playing this song for two years now.

I suppose the next step in determining a diagnosis will be a lumbar puncture. It would be wonderful if that could be done while he’s in the hospital.

That’s what’s going on with this funk. I need a nap or something. I feel discouraged. Sometimes I feel invisible. Hubby is so sweet. He wants to help but cannot. He says it’s not fair to me. He wants to be able to do something fun again. We’ve only been married four years.

If Hubby indeed has multiple sclerosis at this stage in his life it is most likely Primary Progressive MS. Christmas Day, he walked. He walked like he was drunk but he walked. By February he was using a walker. He has been somewhat stable the past two months. We could use answers, treatment and hope.

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