Twas the Day After Christmas

Twas the day after Christmas and all through the house plenty to do and thankfully no mouse!

We had a video call with Hubby’s son yesterday. Daughter-in-law is sick with bronchitis and sinus infection but not COVID. They are otherwise fine. My aunt and second cousin back home tested positive. We do not know my uncle’s status. He’s in his 80’s and not in the best of health.

We also spoke with Hubby’s daughter yesterday and saw on video the kids opening gifts. The baby is content with wrapping paper and big brother is wired! He’s such a joy.

Last night was Zoom time with my family back home. I saw my son’s face a time or two in the video frame. Everyone there in food comas. My brother kept falling asleep. Mom’s sour cream shirt was a hit as well as my niece’s shirt about her having opinions. Son was very happy with his gifts, especially ones that were a nod to his Dad’s military service. His Dad died young and our son was eleven years old. Son, now a grown man, will have to have surgery on his wrist as some point. His tendon is floating about without an anchor. I worry he’ll procrastinate further.

Hubby has been without pain meds for more than a week now due to the incredible burden put on the Postal Service during this pandemic. He seems to be progressing downward the past two weeks. Home PT has ended.

The lumbar puncture was done November 24th. This Tuesday will be five weeks since it was done. Results were supposed to be available in two weeks. I will call neurology on Monday to check on them. I see my PCP Tuesday. He may call again as well. We’re tired of waiting. We’re tired of this pandemic.

Hubby bought “all my girls” a hug ring. It’s adjustable and has two hands in a hug position. I have had ONE hug from someone other than Hubby in the past nine months. He bought me water bug slippers with eyes and six legs. I love them. His guitar pic made from a quarter has not yet arrived but I did get him lightweight shoes and a gel cushion to make walking and sitting a little less uncomfortable. I did get him a few fun gifts as well.

I still miss my family. I miss normalcy. I miss my husband so much. We did so many things together and it was fun. We’ve been married 4 1/2 years and we’re retired. We don’t know if this is MS or some other autoimmune disease or even a neuromuscular disease. We just want answers and treatment. It’s been going on for nearly three years. Seriously, it’s time for answers.

Getting Murphied

It is the day after a full moon. That should have been my first clue.

Tropical storm Isaias hit Long Island early this afternoon. Hubby and I each received tornado warnings on our phones. I was prepared to dump him into the cellar stairwell or hang out in the hallway away from windows. The sky wasn’t as dark as it gets when a tornado is near. I missed being in one by about 15 minutes once in Louisiana.

Before the storm, I looked out and the remnants of the Christmas tree that fell last year were now flat on the ground. I’m thinking it’s an easy finish to that task. Wrong. We had a few small twigs fall across the back yard, then our tarp that shaded the deck broke loose and is barely connected at the far side of the deck. Oh joy. I heard a crack. A large limb fell off of the hammock tree. I heard another crack. There was a small tree across our driveway.

Hubby said it’s the kind of job he loves to do if only he had his health again. I don’t mind it so much but it tires me out when I’m also doing everything else.

Where does Murphy’s Law come in, you may ask? Due to the pandemic we have our groceries delivered. This week they are coming between 6:30-8:30 very a.m. I had no real choice but to get out my electric saw and start working on the tree around 6 p.m. Luckily it was a small tree and I managed to get 99% of it off the driveway. The small nub that remains and which I do not have the energy to move was spray painted orange so maybe the guy won’t hit it when he backs into the driveway this week.

We’re still awaiting hubby’s test results. I asked the radiologist to send us the reports. If I do not hear from the neurologist’s office by early afternoon tomorrow, I will call. Hubby has been in pain for three days. There must be an explanation on the MRIs. My patience is gone. I am tired of seeing hubby in pain and struggling. I am tired of doing everything. If hubby is never able to help me again I will keep moving forward with grace and do whatever I can to help him and maintain the house and yard. I come from sturdy stock and most of the time I really don’t mind as long as it’s on my timetable. I DO mind cooking. I really do not like it. Hubby is a great cook. He cannot stand long enough to do that.

My Pastor says to hang on to my sense of humor as I hang on to God. We have so many people praying for us both. I pray the answers come soon. It’s been two years and my patience meter broke long ago. The doctor is about to be on the receiving end of some Southern anger. Bless his heart.

Singing the Blues

It’s a hot summer day. We have another leak from the bathroom into the cellar. It’s not a huge leak but I’ll call our guy.

At 8:30 this morning I received a call from the town asking if my porch rail was ever installed. I assumed it was not done because of the pandemic. We did have to wait until the ground was no longer frozen but that’s been a while. The carpenter from the town was sent over. He’s nearly completed the job. Of course the design hubby told me was not what I interpreted so he was like a dog with an old bone. I was in tears but not in front of him. He finally said as long as it’s comfortable for me. He wheeled to the door and had a better sense of the job.

He’s frustrated because he has brain fog. He can’t walk. He feels tired and weak due to the heat. The rail, the leak and everything else going wrong around here is something he would normally be able to fix himself. I’m left brained. I am very literal. He’s artistic and an engineer. I’m frustrated too.

We’re now dealing with more issues that are out of his control with the multiple sclerosis. I’m feeling a bit lost. It’s still not depression. He probably has a little of it himself, though. The next specialist appointment will be July 20.

The good in this is that he tells me he loves me and it’s from his soul. I love him with all my heart. The love part is easy. I would just like for things to go right for a change. I’m weary. I feel defeated some days. I do not like cooking. He does but is unable to cook. It’s all on me.

I miss my family immensely. My sister has surgery next week. My other sister is driving down to help. My son may also help. He’s nearby. I try not to be away from home more than an hour. We have no help with day to day issues.

Yes I have the blues. I’m physically and emotionally exhausted. We did have company this weekend. His Mom, sister and niece came by Saturday, distanced. His daughter, husband and kids came by Sunday and we were on the deck, distanced.

This pandemic just adds to the stress.

(Update: I took pictures of the final porch product and he likes the character and is satisfied that it’s comfortable for me. I’ll use a light stain on it later. It sure smells good. I love the smell of cut wood.)

Feeling a little less blue at the moment. I just need a break but by the same token so does hubby.

Rice Krispie Kind of Day

I LOVE tractor therapy. It must be genetic. Mom and Grandma both preferred working outdoors. I’m paying for it today because both shoulders hurt and I was stabbed by a branch on the downed tree which has resulted in a bruised thigh. I’m at the Rice Krispie stage of life because everything goes snap, crackle, pop!

We have an acre, complicated by a downed Christmas tree and two locust trees. The locust trees are at the back line. I can get around them a bit but I need to clear some smaller branches. The Christmas tree is in the middle of the yard. At some point we’ll hire someone to cut it up and haul it away.

There’s so much to do that hubby would do if he could. I get the sense these things aren’t currently scheduled with a pro because he’s not yet ready to believe he may have MS. Something is going on and it’s progressing. I believe it’s a form of MS. Earlier in the week he was getting ready for bed and could not remember how to remove his shirt. Brain fog. That spooked us both. After he went to bed I cried. Just what are we facing? He apologizes all the time. I tell him there’s no need. Next month we’re celebrating our fourth anniversary.

One new medication addresses the neuralgia in his hands. He’d love to write without pain or pick up the guitar again and play. He’s a singer/songwriter. I suppose he’s considered a professional now since a British movie producer wanted one of his songs for a film. It’s Bruno (2020) and the song is just before the credits. The film has been released in Europe and appeared in a couple of film festivals over there before the pandemic turned the world upside down.

We’ve been living a new normal for about two years now. Staying indoors is nothing new. We use a grocery delivery service now so I don’t have to go into the stores. It’s also tourist season in this small town with two lane roads so it’s even more difficult to find essential groceries. It’s safer and less stress to order it. I’m all for less stress. It helps him to do the shopping online.

Time to fix dinner. It’s not my favorite thing to do. Again, it’s genetic. I’d rather work outdoors.

Ya’ll have a great weekend. We’ll get through this. Stay safe. Stay healthy. God bless!

Tractor Therapy

I have been waiting for decent weather so I could mow our little acre. I call it tractor therapy. Today was supposed to be in the low 50’s and little wind. Just as I was about to go out, the wind started up. It was howling like a ghost on Scooby Doo. When I could stand it no longer, I went out.

The lawn could not have waited any longer and I needed to get OUT! Since the pandemic began I only go out for groceries to keep our risk as low as possible due to our ages and hubby’s MS.

It felt so good to be outside for that amount of time. It took less than two hours to finish. While I had only meant to do the back yard, I finished the front yard as well. Just being on that tractor helps me feel normal. When I took over the mowing from hubby two seasons ago, I was afraid to mow the front yard. I always felt I would tip over. It no longer bothers me. It’s fun, relaxing and very satisfying. I can talk to God, sing or just mindlessly mow. I highly recommend it!

It’s a good thing I took a hot shower. My muscles are reminding me that I have not used them in that way for a very long time. Shoulders are sore from turning the steering wheel.

It’s been a better week overall. We even received yellow roses from my Mom. She said she can’t be up here to help me and she loves yellow roses. It’s how Mom says she’s thinking of us, praying for us and loving us. She’s the best.